My Advice for Staying Happily Married

Next month Jarod and I will be celebrating our 7^th wedding anniversary and though I humbly know I have nowhere near the wisdom and knowledge a couple that has spent 57 years together, I think I know a thing or two on marriage. If I were to die tomorrow, these are the words I hope reach my children when they find that special person:

To my children,

First and foremost, don’t try to find a soul mate. Find yourself. Don’t rely on someone else to make you happy because that’s just a losing game; instead, seek someone to share your life with. No one can make you happy. You must learn to make your own happy ever after.

The reason “happily ever afters" start at the end of the movie is because no one wants to see that Prince Charming likes to watch TV with a beer in his hand and a remote in the other or the gorgeous and ridiculously-skinny woman he “saved” is about 50 pounds overweight from her colicky first-born son who won’t stop crying for the life of him. Life. Is. Nothing like the movies; it’s better.

Marry someone that reminds you of every love song ever written, someone you love so deeply it aches. Make positively sure it’s nothing less than this kind of love . . . because there will be times, regardless of how special and how different you think you two are, when it will become a chore to recall those exhilarating feelings of romance.

After a few days of dating (yes, I said days), your dad and I told each other we wanted to spend forever with one another. Although, we had no idea what that meant quite yet, that exaggeration of romance and love very early in our relationship is sometimes what I think got us through everything. We knew we had something so rare and special that we never wanted to lose it.

Marriage will absolutely be the one the hardest things you ever do but it is also one of the most rewarding blessings bestowed upon us and with that said: FIGHT LIKE HELL to stay married. Do whatever it takes to make things work. One of my favorite bits of advice I’ve heard about staying married is that sometimes staying married simply means: just staying. There will always be difficult moments in your life but committing to stay together when everything is falling apart makes the rainbow at the end of the rain so much more beautiful and magical.

There have been moments when I have without a doubt hated your father and have seriously considered leaving but I’m so thankful I never did. As I write this I have tears in my eyes and cringe at my inability to better explain in words how much I love your dad, our past and where we are today. I feel nothing but an overwhelming sense of gratitude that this is my life but none of it would have been mine if I walked out the doors when things got tough.

Also, take every single bit of advice about marriage and relationships and throw it all out the window (excluding mine, of course :) Every person is different so why wouldn't every marriage be??

Even though you probably think your dad and I are the funniest, most amazing, damn closest thing to perfect as possible, the truth is we’re not :) I know you’re shocked right now; it’s understandable :) My point is that neither one of us are perfect but together we work perfectly (after a few good years, of course). The advice to never go to bed mad never worked for us. When I get really, really upset it takes me about 6.75 hours to be able to let go and finally come to a point where I’m willing to reconcile. Your dad knows this . . . now. We used to “try to work it out” before we went to bed but it almost always ended up with each of us saying things we didn’t mean and the argument becoming worse than it began with.

I’ll be the first to admit it’s a bit ridiculous how long it takes me to let things go but it’s who I am. I’m a bit over-the-top, passionate and emotional/ sentimental; these are things you will hate and love about me as your father does but I hope you’ll find more of it to love than hate (just like your father).

Your dad finally came to understand and respect this aspect about me; although, it still annoys the hell out of him just as much as it annoys me that when a million things are going on at once (i.e. all three of you babies crying, something burning on the stove, someone knocking on the door, etc.) your dad completely stresses out to the point that I’d rather lock him in a closet and deal with everything myself then receive his “help.” We annoy each other but there’s so much more good than bad.

Respect your marriage and each other as individuals. Compromise as much as humanly possible but learn to appreciate your individualities and what makes the other person them.

In addition, to throwing out all the advice also throw out your expectations. Granted, keep all the obvious ones like being abused, infidelity, etc. Play this song often:

. . . and remember what love really means.

Nothing is ever perfect. I hope there are many moments in your life where you feel like it is but remember the only thing constant is change. Love is never perfect; it is what it is: disastrous, messy and beautiful.

Be kind. You won’t always be able to speak or act in kindness but try. Try really hard and don’t fight dirty. Another great advice about marriage that I really like is from Kevin Bacon, who has been married for over 20 years to Kyra Sedgwick, is to “keep the fights clean . . ."

Lastly, I hope each one of you finds a love that builds you up, forces you to grow, a love that remains in the face of adversity, a love that will wipe away your tears and pain and hold your hand throughout all that life has to offer. I hope so much for you each one of you but mostly, I hope you realize that this is the only kind of love worth living for and the only kind you deserve. I love you each with all of my heart.

Love,

Mommy

P.s. Here are a few of my absolutely favorite things about being married to your father:

You . . .

<3 baby aiden <3

you . . .

<3 baby tristen <3

 . . . and you.

<3 baby aaliyanna <3



Another Sibling

Gotcha! ;) Ali's ultrasound at 13 weeks.

First and foremost, no, I'm not pregnant . . . yet :)

After a brief (as in less than two month) stunt with birth control, Jarod and I agreed to stop using it. Whoa, I know, crazy, right?! :)

My sweet and easily-stressed husband (mind you, he’s a Virgo - the very thought of paper could stress him out given enough time) could have easily been content with a life with one child and even possibly no children at all. I, on the other hand, as apparent with the amount of children we’ve had in less than four years absolutely could not.

 

<3 November 21, 2008 <3



I have always wanted a family. I embarrassingly have always wanted the entire cliche of a big, happy family with lots of children running around, a dog (maybe two), a loving husband to fall asleep with each night all encompassed in a sweet little house all wrapped around in an (even bigger cliche) white picket fence. I know, I even make myself gag.

Years ago, when we first fell in love and “when love was all we knew” (Remember When by Alan Jackson) Jarod (as I very distinctly remember) remarked that I could "have as many children as (I) want.” Suffice to say, when I remind him of this little statement I’m, more often than not, joking because I get the enormous responsibility that comes along with children and I, also, understand the even greater enormous financial responsibility a man feels when he has a family.

However, I couldn’t fight this overwhelming baby craving and strong feeling that I’m suppose to have one more baby. So we fought and went back and forth about having another and not having another one until he could see that I couldn’t shake it and how incredibly important it was to me.

Needless to say, we decided to have another one. And HE suggested starting now and I more than happily agreed. Aside from my cliche of a dream, another very big reason why I want to have another child and why I want them so close in age can be better explained without words:

<3

An Update

Being silly with my Aidy-Aids :)

To say life has been crazy is more than an understatement but after two major emotional breakdowns I’ve finally come to a (hectic but decently) predictable routine with the help of lots and lots of coffee. Ali’s not quite sleeping through the night yet but really only wakes up once at night now. Tristen, my once happy and easily-pleased baby boy, is beginning his transition into that annoying and whiny and fun new stage of independence, toddler-hood, and Aiden’s officially a champion at pooping and peeing in the potty.

I know what you’re probably thinking, well, duh, isn’t Aiden three and a half, shouldn’t he have been a pro at the potty about a year ago?! Well, yes. Buuuut we I just started potty training him about three weeks ago (to be exact, the day after Jarod returned to work). The week Jarod went back to work and left me at home with a newborn, a “new” toddler and a “sure, let’s pee on everything” just starting to potty train preschooler was the looooooooooooooooooongest week of my life.

My not-so-little baby, Aiden.

I’ve had an excuse for every day and every week since Aiden’s second birthday to put off potty training. I wanted everything to be absolutely perfect because really, I was just utterly and completely scared sh*tless. Don’t ask me how having three children three years and under doesn’t scare me in the slightest but teaching a child basic hygienic skills worried me. I’ve heard horrible stories of kids whose parents scarred their children’s potty training experience that they still pooped and peed in their pants and beds at ridiculous ages. I really didn’t want my kid to be that kid. But potty training has gone so well that now I really regret not starting it sooner; I could have had Aiden out of diapers a long time ago!

My journey to regaining the body I once had a very long time ago pre-babies is going really well. I’ve lost thirty-one pounds in the last six weeks! Woohoo!! (insert happy dance here) I’ve got about 15 pounds to go but I’m really happy with where I’m at. It’s nice to be heading towards a body that I’m proud of by making my health and having a body that my hubby thinks is hott a priority.

Jarod’s been working overtime every weekday but hasn’t had to work mandatory overtime on the weekends lately so it’s been nice having him home to alleviate my mental exhaustion from the kids and to actually get to spend time with him. Literally, years ago we used to have every hour of every day to spend quality time together. Now we’re lucky to be able to finish a conversation. It’s been really hard trying to find a balance of keeping our relationship connected and finding time for (even the simplest, most basic things for) myself. I’ve resorted to squeezing in a quick shower, forgetting about any trace of makeup, throwing my wet hair up in a mess bun and downing a cup of coffee as fast as possible. You know you’re way too busy when you’re so busy that you can’t even find time to drink coffee.

3 1/2 week baby Ali all dressed up <3

The kids are doing great and are adjusting to our growing little family much better than I expected. Ali’s growing up so fast. I love that my babies are all so close in age but it also makes me a little sad that I don’t have the ability to just stare at her all day long. I can’t even feed her without someone needing something or Tristen needing to sit on my lap too. Just like my other babies she’s growing like a weed length-wise and not at all wide-wise. She’s already in 6 month sleepers just because she’s so long. Skinny and tall; basically, she’s already got it made :)

Tristen just being cute, which is why we keep him :)

Tristen’s talking a lot more but still doesn’t have the capabilities to express himself as well as he wants to, which resorts to just a lot of crying and screaming like he’s about to die in order to get what he wants. But he’s still the biggest cuddle-bug ever and for that, Jarod and I decided he could stay in our family.

Aiden’s also doing great and growing up so fast. The minute Aiden started really succeeding at potty-training I felt like we had a brand-new kid. He'll just casually say, “I’ve got to go potty” and walks into the bathroom like it’s no big deal and he’s been doing it all his life. He just seems so much older lately. He’s become more independent, which for Aiden who absolutely loves being babied, is a very big deal. Also, his little personality is coming out more and more. He makes me laugh everyday. I miss itty-bitty tiny baby Aiden but I love this stage too and it makes me more excited to see what Aiden in the future is going to be like, like when he’s (gulp) a man. Ahh, such a weird thought!

He's so in love with her; it's kind of ridiculous :)

Overall, our little family’s doing great. Jarod and I have a very strong addiction to coffee. We’re tired about 98% of the time but our babies are happy and healthy and that’s really the only thing that matters. One day we’ll get more sleep . . . for now, well, let's just say it's a good thing we kinda like these little ones :)