Ferguson

In the midst of the deepest pain is when we see the true character of a society. The full depth of love, compassion, and basic human regard has the strongest possibility in the time when pain’s echoes can be heard in shrieking screams.

The recent events that have occurred in Ferguson have split our society in halves for various reasons. We all like to think of ourselves as intelligent and wise, disregarding that there are truths that we cannot fully comprehend due to our lack of circumstances and experiences.

Yes, there is a divide and yes, people will continue to juxtapose whom is “right” and what side has the “real evidence.” However, I hope we don’t get so caught up in the details that we fail to see what’s truly happening right before us.

When righteousness is so resounding that it bleeds out compassion, we all have lost.

Only God knows the exact unraveling of events and the true heart and intentions of those involved on that heartbreaking day but we all know that there is much lost in this tragedy.

The happenings in Ferguson stood for much more than the death of one; it was symbolic of a system that is imperfect and unjust. It propelled the realities of racism into our forefront and onto our television screens, tablets, and smartphones.

No matter how much we would to like to deny its existence, racism still occurs in varying degrees to a multitude of people.

Ferguson stands for the pain of being treated differently based on one simple factor, the color of one’s skin. It is a representation of what has occurred over and over again for more generations to count.

Regardless of who is “right” in this instance, there is a tremendous amount of pain shed from other’s tears. We can pour salt into those wounds with hateful words and our mind’s own righteousness or we can show compassion and empathy to those who suffer just as Christ does.

Romans 12:2

dear Jj: ten years of marriage

I've always had an idea, an ideal, of what marriage and love and life was supposed to look like. You, or more accurately, the idea of you always weaved in and out of my mind: what you'd look like, what you'd be like, what our kids would look like.

Yes, I've always been "that girl" that dreams bigger than her life with love positioning itself right in the heart of it all but you know that, you know that too well. Just as you've always been "that guy" with your sweet disposition and laid-back attitude without a bullet-point plan.

By comparison and the standard of most, it didn't take long for me to meet you. But you see, my soul had spent the entire compilation of my existence, a very long 18 years, looking for you. So you, you, my sweet babe, you couldn't come fast enough.

I remember the day too well. Basked in the middle of my high school years and the start of the rest of my life, the horizon seemed infinite as the summer light gleamed, and on the very first day at my new job, there you stood.

A smile warmed across my face, my gaze laid upon you, and as you failed to return the gesture, I simply assumed a friendship would lack an existence. I see now what other's rarely have the immense pleasure to glimpse - the true depth of your thoughts and emotions. I know now that you hide the recesses of yourself only for a very select few. Thus, never in a million years could my first impression of you ever be a true depiction of what and who you really are because of the impossible concoction of your trust and first meetings.

You've told me since that you noticed me first, thought I was beautiful, and you really did love my smile. Ten years later, you still think I'm beautiful and you still love my smile but what I love most is now you really see me as I am. You see the intricacies of my soul, the repressed oddness I find myself most at ease, the varied passionate emotions I hide from the world, my extremity in nurturing compassion and zealous optimism that you often put in check through sheer necessity and sanity. You see my many faults and short-comings and still love me.

You see me as clearly as I see you.

Today marks our ten year wedding anniversary, and ten years and some six months since our very first day.

Time is a strange thing, isn't it? It feels like we've filled ten years with a lifetime of memories and yet, it all seems like every fleeting moment in our lives happened just yesterday.

Thank you for the last ten years, for your love, and for allowing me to share my life with the most amazing person I've ever met. I'm incredibly grateful to God for placing you in my life; I'm certain the core of my being could never remain intact without your love, the kind of love that let's my wild-eyed dreams take flight and holds me when the world gets a little too cold for me to bear. I love you so very much.

Love,
Kj

why foster care?!

"Nearly half the world's population, 2.8 billion people, survive on less that $2 a day."

Tha magnitute of that fact doesn't escape me. Sure, I worry about when we're finally going to be out of debt, when we're going to buy a piece of land to call our own, but the accumulation of our blessed wealth is staggering in comparison to the world.

Spoiled. Blessed. Privileged. And unbeknownst, entitled.

I most certainly am.

I look at my life and see a safe, quiet bubble that I've conveniently diverged myself into. I've failed to get my hands dirty and rarely, concern myself with anyone other than myself, my husband, and our children.

The last few months have changed my core. I didn't just accept Jesus into my life but I want so desperately to allow him to change my very core.

Do I know how crazy that sounds to non-Christians?

Absolutely.

I was there, myself, looking quite strangely at those people who say they don't have a religion but "a relationship with Jesus."

Say, "whaaaat?!"

But I get it now. I totally get it. 

Jesus, His teachings, the life we're called to have makes us yearn for something bigger than ourselves. For a life outside of just what we can see.

Which leads me to: why do I want to foster?

I don't want to live a life concerned merely about myself and conveniencing myself. There are children who need help and I want to help.

More than anything, I feel like it's a calling from God and we're suppose to be someone else's parent ... if only for a short time, if not, forever.

Sure, I want Ali to have a sister - for the rest of her life.

But I don't want to just take a child, any child, away from their parent(s). Reunification is the goal in foster care - I think it's God intention for children to live, be loved, and raised by their biological family. I want that. I desire to want what's best for "this" child.

I'm not devoid of emotion and I'm acutely aware of the pain that loving and losing a child will have on me and my family but loving a child, biological or otherwise, is never, never about possession.

Love is about putting someone's needs before yourself and sacrificing for the betterment of another. My pain may be that very sacrifice.

As for the effect this may have on our children? Of course, I wish to shelter them from the realities of this world but I care more about the people they'll be and the character they'll have over the loss they may encounter.

I don't want them to fear doing the right thing, the kind thing, because of the sacrifice they will have to make. Truly, how can one serve another when no true sacrifice has been made? How big of a difference can you make if nothing from your life actually changes?

I want my children to learn to be selfless and compassionate. I don't want them to worry about every conceivable negative consequence that can and may occur when they love and serve others, when they show someone else God's love.

How can I teach them that?

Well, I see no other way than to do so myself.