Dear Aiden: Happy 4th Birthday!!

March 7, 2012

Dear Aiden,

Happy Birthday, baby boy! I can’t believe that you’re turning four. Quite literally, it feels like only just months have passed since we brought you home from the hospital, drunk with delirious love and amazement of how wonderful and how dang cute you were. The minute you were born you brought a new found joy and love unmatched by anything your father and I had ever felt before. We loved you so intensely in those early days and that love has grown larger and stronger through each passing day.

You are at the point in your life where independence is at the forefront of your thoughts and actions. You push aside our attempts to help you and demand that you do whatever task you fancy at that particular moment “all by yourself.” It’s so strange for me, as your mother, to have grown so accustomed to doing essentially every single thing for you from the very start of your life to step aside and let you grow and develop as a person and as a young boy. It’s a funny thing being a mother because it warms and swells my heart with such pride to see you grow and accomplish even the smallest of task and yet, it also saddens my heart to see you grow up, bigger, stronger and smarter, but also, more importantly, separate from myself and your father.

You have brought such joy in my life, Aiden. I don’t think it’s possible for me to truly extend in words how much you have changed my life for the better, how much your simple existence has forced me to grow into a better person, a better woman, and how much you truly mean to me. You will always and forever have my heart and without even the slightest of hesitation, I would easily give my life in order to protect yours. Your very happiness means the world to me.

Your smile is what I strive for as your mother and though this seemly simple task should be simple enough, it’s not. Your emotions are heavily-sided to each extreme at any given moment. Your happiness exudes out of your soul, proudly-stretched throughout your body and smile and in these many moments, I feel content and happy satisfaction that I’m doing something right. However, you will barrel onto the very opposite of happiness in a moment’s notice because your soul is extremely sensitive and each pain, imagined or otherwise, inflicts your very being. The truth is when you cry and coward in your pain, I want absolutely nothing, nothing, more than to hold you and soothe each and every last tear but yet, I’m torn with the responsibility that one day I can’t protect you and I can’t shield you from other’s inconsiderate inflictions.

The truth is I think the outside world is cruel and dumb and I think you’re amazing. I think you should be nothing more or less than who you want to be but I love you and I want you to be happy, healthy, well-balanced and successful in anything your little heart pleases. Thus, I’m trying my best to help you find a balance because that’s what I think is best and I want nothing more than the best for you, Mr. Aiden.

I love you so much, Aidy. Watching you grow has been a joy and a challenge but I would do it all over again in a moment’s notice if given the chance. Happy Birthday, sweet boy!! I’m so happy that I’ve known you for the last four years. I can’t wait to see all the amazing things you do with the next 100! I love you to the moon and back!

With the Sincerest of Loves,

Your Mommy