TTC: Four Pregnancy Tests Later . . .

. . . annnd I'm definitely not pregnant. I took a pregnancy test on 8, 9, 10 and 12DPO (days past ovulation), which obviously means I have problems were all negative. You see, I found out I was pregnant with baby Ali 9DPO so I was hoping the same results would occur but the main difference between then and now is that I was pregnant then and now, well, I just wasted four perfectly good pregnancy tests - because I'm a POAS (pee on a stick addict) annnd I'm crazy annnd I'm stressing waaay too much about the possibility of being pregnant that I convinced myself I was.

Anyways, this morning my period came and a small part of me broke. It's funny that I've been down this road so many times and I know I shouldn't stress out because it will happen, when it happens. But knowing and doing are two completely different things, amiright? My boys crawled into our bed this morning and even though my little OCD Trissy kept complaining and kicking around because the pillow, the blanket, the sound of everyone else's breathing wasn't to his exact liking, I soaked in the warmth of their little bodies as they cuddled each side of me.

I have so much; I know I should really just focus on the positive aspects of my life. It's just difficult when you want to add to the beautiful life you already have. It's difficult when you can envision more happiness than you already have and more love than you already know. It's difficult when you want another child so badly . . . annnd then your damn period comes.

Frankly, it sucks . . . balls.

But life goes on and baby #4 will come whenever baby #4 comes <3