foster to adopt?!

we're made the beautiful and terrifying decision to foster-to-adopt. i'm a bit of spontaneous, wild dreamer of a girl. my eyes have always widened at possibilities and new beginnings. saying yes to a boy that i only dated for 3 weeks hardly made me bat an eye and deciding to start having children when we had less money than zero never fazed me. optimism and the promise of love always gets the best of me.

but this absolutely, terrifies me in a poetic desperate way. i am going to fall in overwhelming, all-encompassing love with a child that may leave our lives in a moment's notice. how can anyone not fall in love with a child they care for? especially i? i rarely do anything half-way, let alone, love. i never do love with anything less than both feet in, head first, propelling as fast as gravity can take me.

i am terrified of a broken-heart.

but i know better. i know my fear is simply my selfish ways exemplified. because love does not love begging nor demanding for something in return. love simply exists, regardless of circumstances, reactions, approval, and gratitude.

God calls us to love others. period. He doesn't call us to love others only if they can stay in your family forever or if they bring you back something wonderful in return.

we're here to love.

jarod and i will start the process in a few months and we'll see if we get approved, if our landlord agrees, if our home is big enough, if our large family isn't too large, or any other reason it wouldn't work exists. please pray that things work out just right and we complete the foster care process and we can bring a little girl into our home to love.

. . . and please pray a little harder that she'll remain in our lives forever :)