Wednesday, December 5, 2012

these days

i have about 374 different posts that i need to write to get "caught up" with but let's be honest, i might, if i'm lucky, do about 3 catch up posts. life's crazy and busy as usual. having three kids with a fourth on the way has for some reason just recently really hit me on how much life is changing. it's always changing and evolving but with the kids getting older and our family growing, it's getting harder and harder to find someone who's sane enough for us to trust and insane enough to agree to watch all the kids at once.

jarod and i are staying home more often and the thought of going out has almost been eradicated from our minds. with the boys getting older and both of them egging each other to stay up as late as humanly possible for little boys, "bedtime" is making it near impossible for me to grab dinner with a friend. jarod's sweet and understanding about the fact that sometimes a girl's gotta get out before she loses what's left of her mind but it, also, wouldn't be fair for me to make the man stay up disciplining and monitoring potty breaks late at night and then turn around to wake up before the butt-crack of dawn to work a 10+ hour day very often.

we've never been the crazy, adventurous types but parenthood has really made us extremely boring. jarod, sadly, even commented the other week how it's lame there aren't any good shows on tv on saturdays and i pathetically agreed. but it would be network suicide to do so because nobody stays home on a saturday - well, nobody except parents with 3.5 young kids at home.

i'm not complaining because my life is exactly how i've always wanted it to be so i hope my words aren't misconstrued. i just want to write life as it is so i can look back and remember the blur that is my life but we're so exhausted. most days it's a controlled exhaustion and some days it's a "fuuuuuck my life" exhaustion that's begs for the day to speed up, the kids to fall asleep and for the feeling of being human to return. it's so hard but yet, it's so rewarding at the same time. their laughter, their wit, intelligence and the way they look at you with such unconditional, devoted love make the days bearable, even, dare i say, pretty dang amazing.

in less than four short months, we'll have a sweet little boy joining our family and life will be even crazier. i've done this a few times to know the exhaustion of a newborn and how normal, every day tasks seem impossible, like taking a shower or brushing your teeth before noon, but none of that reality can shake how damn excited i am to meet this little guy. it still brings me to tears to think of him inside of me. growing. becoming.