Sunday, January 12, 2014

i've changed.

It's been weeks since I've written on here. I've spent the last few weeks really evaluating my life, myself, and consequently, this blog. What do I want in life? Who do I want to become?

As you can see by the enormous weight of these questions, it hasn't been an easy feat. How do I write about my day-to-day life when so much inside of me was changing? I couldn't.

I considered shutting this blog and erasing it from the world. I bought a notebook journal and thought, maybe, I'll keep my thoughts to myself. But writers, myself included, have words and the incessant desire to be heard. Who would read my story trapped inside a closed journal that will one day be thrown into the back of my closet? No one, for it never even had a chance.

Also, I love the exchange of thoughts the internet, blogging, and vlogging so easily allows us to exchange. There are bloggers and vloggers I've read and watched for years; somewhere down the line I've grown a fondness for them as if I actually know them in my real-life. There's a craziness that's equally beautiful in sharing your life with other people, even strangers, on the internet. I believe sharing your story can help others, even if only by allowing one person to not feel so alone.

Nathaniel Hawthorne's Scarlet Letter helped me heal some deep-rooted pain simply because I read a story about a woman who remained true to herself even after experiencing crippling isolation and rejection from the world around her. A book written by a man, written in 1850 was powerfully therapeutic to my soul. I will never meet Hawthorne but it is to his credit that I am not a bitter, hateful person.

Words are powerful. The simple ability to enter the mind of someone who has long gone or you will never meet is astonishing and only possible through the use of mere words.

But my main point is I came to the conclusion that I will keep this blog up. 

But another problem posed itself: what would I write about?

This blog started as a mommy/ family blog but as my oldest inches to the age of 6 and heightened reading ability. I question how much of my kids' lives I should put on here. There are stories I wish I could share, especially of a certain someone's first love, but I can't.

And then there were posts where I felt like I just b*tched and moaned a whole ton but that now goes against the better person I'm striving to become. I figure if I spend my valuable time, because all of one's time is invaluable, doing something, doing anything, should be productive, positive, and beautiful.

Thus, the direction of this blog is changing because I'm changing. I hope you'll stick around :)