Tuesday, April 9, 2013

It Won't Be Like This For Long

Darius Rucker's "It Won't Be Like This For Long" has become my theme song. I literally listen to this song as motivation when it's late at night and I'm cleaning baby bottles or during the roughness of the day when all the children are awake I have at least two children crying at me for various reasons. Quite honestly, you can think of any reason, any reason, at all and I'm sure my children have been pissed at me for it (aka story of my life).

My current gripe with life is my lack of sleep. Although it's gotten better and newborn Carsen is spacing out his feedings about every four hours now, I still miss my sleep A LOT. I find myself aching for him to be bigger so he can physically hold down more food and therefore, sleep through the night. Yet, it's such a complicated-contradiction because at the very same time I want nothing more than for him to not grow as fast as time allows.

The simply knowledge that he's my last baby makes the desire for time to slow even stronger.

Although, I'm physically-exhausted and mentally at my breaking point (more often than not) I try to embrace all that my life beholds. As with life, I have to take all the bad with the good. I want to take the physical exhaustion of waking to a newborn crying every few hours throughout the night, drinking coffee at 6pm because we've run out of clean underwear and the laundry really needs to be done, listening to nonsensical arguments of your oldest two fighting over the powers in Super Mario Bros (seriously, WTF?!) and stressing with my partner about money. I want to take all of this because this is our season in life and really, there is so much more good than bad.

Sometimes in order to keep myself from losing my mind, I remind myself that "it won't be like this for long" and other times, I weep at the insensitivity of time that life will. not. be. like. this. for long . . .


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