Wednesday, February 11, 2015

if God exists . . .

                I used to look at the pain of the world and scoff at the notion that a loving God existed.
                If God existed, He would never let this happen, I thought as my eyes rolled in the back of my head.
                I know I’ve made remarks in this seemingly abandoned blog (cue the tumbleweed slowing passing by) that my thoughts have made quite a 180 reversal in the last year. But one example is I no longer scuff at the non-existence of God’s presence ... but desire to be of God’s service.
Now I see that God works through people who act with love and compassion in their forefront.
                Now I see people that seek to glorify God through their kindness can only do so because of the wisdom and strength that Christ has graciously given us.
                Which leads me back to foster care, Jarod and I came to the conclusion that it’s too much for our family. Ahem, in other words, Jarod decided it was too much for him and our family. I still have such a big passion for foster care and adopting … but I’ve come to learn to respect Jarod’s wishes and let him take the lead in our family.
                I understand that although God has put this in my heart, Jarod doesn’t have it in his.
                However, I believe that my passion for children, especially those who suffer from neglect and lack of love, doesn’t exist for nothing. I don’t know what God’s plan is for me but I know it will include this avenue in some way.
                I pray that Jarod will one day have a change of heart. I know how pure his heart is, that adoption isn’t a new idea we just recently toyed around with (we talked about it early in our relationship), and I know our current financial situation overwhelms him at times (which will dramatically change in the next year, more about that in a different post); so I do have a small amount of hope that he may have a change of heart.
                But for now, I’m content. The other day, I went to an informational orientation to volunteer with a foster care center in the neighboring area. I’m really excited about this. It’s a one year commitment to volunteer for one shift once a month. I don’t feel like it’s much (because I wish I could do so much more) but it’s something.
                And it will make a difference.
                You see, a few months ago I stopped questioning God’s presence in the mess of this world and I started taking responsibility for my lack of involvement. I stopped questioning where He is and started asking where He wants me.

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