5 Weeks Pregnant

It still feels a little unreal that I'm actually pregnant. The pregnancy test still says I am and yet, it still hasn't fully processed in my head. I've definitely had symptoms indicating I am, which include fatigue, breast tenderness, pregnancy insomnia and nausea. But the symptoms aren't fully kicking my butt yet and maybe that's why I don't necessarily "feel" pregnant." My last pregnancy kicked my a**, physically and mentally, so bad that I was certain I would never do it again. HA! Funny how holding your baby in your arms somehow makes you denounces the existence of any pain that your sweet, precious little baby ever caused you.

I know it's still early and I anticipate feeling so horrible but so far, I'm feeling pretty great. I don't feel 100% but I think since I have such low expectations of feeling "wonderful" during another pregnancy I'm just happy that I'm not curled in bed crying from depression or pain.

Also, I feel like I hit the jackpot with having this baby inside me. Getting pregnant and having Jarod on board with our three other children was a breeze but getting him get on board to have a fourth was such a struggle. His biggest concern with a fourth was the finances to which I completely understand; thus, part of our agreement to have a fourth was I have to start working when this baby starts 1st grade and we're getting permanent means of birth control. I'm getting my tubes tied right after this baby's birth.

I so incredibly happy to have another baby. I just want to savor this pregnancy because I know how fast it's going to go by. I scheduled my first visit with my doctor for August 28, 2012 and hopefully we'll get to see the little peanut and a sweet, healthy little heartbeat.

My worries are bigger with this pregnancy than they've been before with the other three. Maybe it's age or it's seeing other people with children with disabilities that has changed my perspective. I'm lucky. Really, really lucky I have three healthy children so this time around I'm trying to do everything right. I'm more diligent about prenatal pills, I've cut out caffeine (well, about 95% less than before) and I'm making it a point to eat things that are good for the baby. I desperately want this baby to happy and healthy.