Saturday, November 22, 2014

dear Jj: ten years of marriage

I've always had an idea, an ideal, of what marriage and love and life was supposed to look like. You, or more accurately, the idea of you always weaved in and out of my mind: what you'd look like, what you'd be like, what our kids would look like.

Yes, I've always been "that girl" that dreams bigger than her life with love positioning itself right in the heart of it all but you know that, you know that too well. Just as you've always been "that guy" with your sweet disposition and laid-back attitude without a bullet-point plan.

By comparison and the standard of most, it didn't take long for me to meet you. But you see, my soul had spent the entire compilation of my existence, a very long 18 years, looking for you. So you, you, my sweet babe, you couldn't come fast enough.

I remember the day too well. Basked in the middle of my high school years and the start of the rest of my life, the horizon seemed infinite as the summer light gleamed, and on the very first day at my new job, there you stood.

A smile warmed across my face, my gaze laid upon you, and as you failed to return the gesture, I simply assumed a friendship would lack an existence. I see now what other's rarely have the immense pleasure to glimpse - the true depth of your thoughts and emotions. I know now that you hide the recesses of yourself only for a very select few. Thus, never in a million years could my first impression of you ever be a true depiction of what and who you really are because of the impossible concoction of your trust and first meetings.

You've told me since that you noticed me first, thought I was beautiful, and you really did love my smile. Ten years later, you still think I'm beautiful and you still love my smile but what I love most is now you really see me as I am. You see the intricacies of my soul, the repressed oddness I find myself most at ease, the varied passionate emotions I hide from the world, my extremity in nurturing compassion and zealous optimism that you often put in check through sheer necessity and sanity. You see my many faults and short-comings and still love me.

You see me as clearly as I see you.

Today marks our ten year wedding anniversary, and ten years and some six months since our very first day.

Time is a strange thing, isn't it? It feels like we've filled ten years with a lifetime of memories and yet, it all seems like every fleeting moment in our lives happened just yesterday.

Thank you for the last ten years, for your love, and for allowing me to share my life with the most amazing person I've ever met. I'm incredibly grateful to God for placing you in my life; I'm certain the core of my being could never remain intact without your love, the kind of love that let's my wild-eyed dreams take flight and holds me when the world gets a little too cold for me to bear. I love you so very much.


No comments:

Post a Comment