Just Write: Parenting & Google

Note: I'm intentionally being incredibly vague about the actions of my child (and I'm not even going to tell you which one this story's about) because it's personal, they're a person too and one day they may read this and hate me for posting it. But I think the actions of Jarod and I are funny enough to share and to anyone who thinks we're good parents who know what we're doing, this will disprove any silly notion you had.

"JJ!!!"

"What?!" running over to me.

"(Name of child insert here and) (insert vague, crazy thing this child may or may not do here) did this! What. The. FUCK!"

Jarod looked straight in the eye and since we were in front of our kids' room (they all share a room), turned his back on me and started cracking up so hard he couldn't breathe.

"Hahhhahaha."

"What do I do? What do I say?" in absolute horror and confusion I probed my husband who was currently dying through laughter, "Go talk to (them)!"

"Hold on. I need to compose myself. Hahahhahah."

"Seriously, what the fuck? Is this normal?!?!"

"I don't know. Go google it."

Jarod walked into the kids' room, I grabbed the iPad and frantically typed in our situation in Google and in less than one minute, I jumped up and yelled to Jarod, "It's normal! It's normal!!"

The point to this little story: 1) Truly, honestly we have no idea what we're doing here and truly and honestly, how did anybody parent without Google??

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How We Agreed to Have a Fourth

Us, pre-babies.

I've always wanted a large family. We never really talked about the number of children we would have in the beginning (granted, we got married four months after our first date - I'm not even sure if I knew his last name at that point ha! :) but Jarod with stars in his eyes and a Cupid's arrow shot straight up his ass, loving and with devote seriousness told me from the very beginning I, "could have as many children as I wanted." He probably thought his sweet, generous notion would be promptly reciprocated with and, "aww, you're so sweet! I love you," and later, with the birth of a mere two children.

Bahhahhhahhah.

After Ali's birth, we fought a LOT about having a fourth. If you've been following this blog from the beginning, I'm sure you know all about it and if you're just starting out, then our stupidity arguments can surely be found (have fun :P and also, yes, we're F'ing crazy; thank you very much).

Aiden, Tristen, Ali and me <3

With three children and Jarod working long hours, there most certainly were days weeks where I was certain that three was more than enough for us and I was glad to be done. So we made arrangements, I went to the doctor's for the Depo shot and we even scheduled Jarod an appointment for a vasectomy. I started giving away our baby clothes and baby items that we were no longer using (thankfully, they're still in the family so they can be passed back). I was mentally and physically removing newborn baby-ness from our home.

But the yearning for another baby in the future and the desire to fill my uterus with an itty-bitty baby started creeping in, to which I promptly slapped away. No, I'm done! I would tell myself.

But the desire was still there.

I think as we started creeping closer and closer to the vasectomy date something inside, I believe it's called my uterus, started panicking and and this maternal urge became stronger than seven tequila shots on a Kate Moss body.

I started half-jokingly, but will all seriousness, asking the hubby if we could have another. He would look at me in disbelief and say, "are you serious?!"

There have been a number of talks that I've shared on here as well as conversations I've kept private about our decision for another. About three weeks ago, I finally told Jarod that I was done and that we were done have kids. I still had the yearning for another but I rationalized that those feelings would always be there because it's always been my dream to be a mother and some things you just need to rationally push aside. The biggest reason I pushed these feelings away was because I had a husband who seemed utterly done with having more children.

Then, the other day as Jarod asked me how old Ali was, to which I replied she was turning 9 months this month, I got a bit teary-eyed at the idea of my baby turning one so very soon. I stared out the window thinking about how fast time goes by and how babies grow up even faster. Jarod took one look at me, pitied my little, sad soul and said, "I'm going to do something really crazy."

"What?"

"You already know," he replied with smile, "we can have another baby."

"Really?!" was the first thing I said and the second was, "you're not going to change your mind again, are you??"

And after he reassured me he wouldn't, I let the excitement and happiness creep back in. I know there are many people, especially in this day and age, that think we're absolute insane for actually wanting a fourth child. To which I say, I think you're insane for not. Sure, they're a handful some almost every day but I can think of much worse things than having a house full of little feet, laughter and love.

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Just Write: Young & Married

As far back as my memory allows my consciousness to recall, I have always wanted to be in a deeply loving and committed relationship. I never wanted to date around and see what's "out there." And thank goodness for that, because from my glassed-in protective shield I like to call a wedding band as well as (and possibly, ehh, even more glaringly noticeable) three very young children screaming, yelling and basically, bringing overall "joy" into their immediate proximity (is that not appealing to men anymore?! so weird), can I just say that, "I am really glad I'm happily taken by a normal, wonderful, amazing guy."

I am truly really glad I'm in the relationship I'm in and if I wasn't, I would be looking for exactly everything that I have.

But with that said, I got married really, really young as in, like, right after high school. I didn't get to share an obnoxiously small dorm room with a Birkenstock, tie-dyed hippy roommate. I didn't get to study abroad in Europe for a semester. I never got to blow waste spend a whole paycheck on something absolutely ridiculous and completely devoid of responsibility. There's so much I didn't get to do.

However, I don't regret anything or how everything played out because this is how the cards fell and these are the choices we made. With all that was happening around us as well as (and more importantly,) the way Jarod and I felt about each other, we chose love.

. . . and also, marriage and responsibilities and full-time jobs and bills and adulthood, etc., etc., etc.

I guess, my point to this whole non-sense of a blog is that the grass is always deceptively greener on the other side. I wish I could tell the younger me to stop stressing about finding "the one" because he's literally right around the corner of your high school graduation.

And to my sweet Ali (especially if you turn out to be anything like me),

Do not worry your pretty little head about boys. There will be one, not a boy, but a man who won't let anything stop you two from being together and he will love you with such kindness that you will cry with tears of happiness at the mere thought. I hope you worry less about boys and focus on learning the intricacies of tie-dying and enjoying food from a foreign land. But whenever the day comes that you have a found such a man (be it when you are 15 or 45), I hope you remember that the grass is always greener on the side you water the most.

I Love You More Than the Whole Wide World,

Your Mommy

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