How We Agreed to Have a Fourth

Us, pre-babies.

I've always wanted a large family. We never really talked about the number of children we would have in the beginning (granted, we got married four months after our first date - I'm not even sure if I knew his last name at that point ha! :) but Jarod with stars in his eyes and a Cupid's arrow shot straight up his ass, loving and with devote seriousness told me from the very beginning I, "could have as many children as I wanted." He probably thought his sweet, generous notion would be promptly reciprocated with and, "aww, you're so sweet! I love you," and later, with the birth of a mere two children.

Bahhahhhahhah.

After Ali's birth, we fought a LOT about having a fourth. If you've been following this blog from the beginning, I'm sure you know all about it and if you're just starting out, then our stupidity arguments can surely be found (have fun :P and also, yes, we're F'ing crazy; thank you very much).

Aiden, Tristen, Ali and me <3

With three children and Jarod working long hours, there most certainly were days weeks where I was certain that three was more than enough for us and I was glad to be done. So we made arrangements, I went to the doctor's for the Depo shot and we even scheduled Jarod an appointment for a vasectomy. I started giving away our baby clothes and baby items that we were no longer using (thankfully, they're still in the family so they can be passed back). I was mentally and physically removing newborn baby-ness from our home.

But the yearning for another baby in the future and the desire to fill my uterus with an itty-bitty baby started creeping in, to which I promptly slapped away. No, I'm done! I would tell myself.

But the desire was still there.

I think as we started creeping closer and closer to the vasectomy date something inside, I believe it's called my uterus, started panicking and and this maternal urge became stronger than seven tequila shots on a Kate Moss body.

I started half-jokingly, but will all seriousness, asking the hubby if we could have another. He would look at me in disbelief and say, "are you serious?!"

There have been a number of talks that I've shared on here as well as conversations I've kept private about our decision for another. About three weeks ago, I finally told Jarod that I was done and that we were done have kids. I still had the yearning for another but I rationalized that those feelings would always be there because it's always been my dream to be a mother and some things you just need to rationally push aside. The biggest reason I pushed these feelings away was because I had a husband who seemed utterly done with having more children.

Then, the other day as Jarod asked me how old Ali was, to which I replied she was turning 9 months this month, I got a bit teary-eyed at the idea of my baby turning one so very soon. I stared out the window thinking about how fast time goes by and how babies grow up even faster. Jarod took one look at me, pitied my little, sad soul and said, "I'm going to do something really crazy."

"What?"

"You already know," he replied with smile, "we can have another baby."

"Really?!" was the first thing I said and the second was, "you're not going to change your mind again, are you??"

And after he reassured me he wouldn't, I let the excitement and happiness creep back in. I know there are many people, especially in this day and age, that think we're absolute insane for actually wanting a fourth child. To which I say, I think you're insane for not. Sure, they're a handful some almost every day but I can think of much worse things than having a house full of little feet, laughter and love.

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