Monday, November 11, 2013

Confession: The Real Reason I Take Selfies

I love me some selfies and I don't understand why anyone wouldn't like them.

Generally, in real-life (you know, the thing opposite of what you're looking at right now) we look at people's faces because that's how we're suppose to communicate with people, it's how we scope someone's emotions, and gauge what they're really thinking. 

I think you can give me that argument, right? Faces are pretty damn great.

But, selfies (insert eyes rolling) are the devil; they're a self-involved public pictorial statement from a camera-raping son-of-a-bitch begging the reassurance to the ever-annoying, "am I pretty? I'm so pretty, right?! Right??"

As a selfie-loving mom of four who's had every inch of her body stretch, sag, and most definitely, not bounce back (stilllll waiting for that one), I have to say, "bahahhahhha." Us moms, with our three-day unwashed hair, unshaven legs, dark-circled eyes, know the hell motherhood has on our looks and we, who, stupidly lovingly sacrifice ourselves again and again to create fucking life could give a damn if you think we're pretty.

Ohh, we know we used to be pretty; How do you think we snagged ourselves a man? Our brains?? (LOL, pleeease) and once a week month year we use magic to make ourselves look, not pretty but like regular, normal people.
I don't strive for pretty anymore. I strive to look average. I strive to look like I got some sleep last night.

And when I cleverly think I can fool you - SHAZAM!!!! - I take a fucking selfie.

Took a shower today. Selfie.

Brushed my teeth. Selfie.

Used magic!?! Put on makeup!?!


Are you a selfie-lover? Or a selfie-hater?

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