In A Really Good Groove

 

I finally feel like I've finally got the hang out of this whole four kids thing. Carsen's 7 1/2 months old now and it's been a few months since he joined his siblings in that wonderful, joyous thing called "go the F to sleep" "sleeping through the night." I still get less sleep than ever but something happened to me that I'm quite certain happens in all busy momma's lives, we realize two things. 1) the kids will NEVER, EVER leave. I've come to grips with them being adults and still asking us for things, for food, for money; I'm currently, working on the best way to say, "no" without flat-out laughing in their faces and 2) we truly forget what a "well-rested night of sleep" means, well, except for when we look over at our husbands who are peacefully sleeping through a bad dream, a kid peeing in their bed, and the 958th water break before the kid goes the F to sleep. So, we get a solid 5 hours of broken sleep and we wake up ready to go, kind of.

I'm happy we're homeschooling and feel fortunate to be able to do so but sometimes, sometimes I just want to scream; not at anyone particularly, I just want the kids to stop crying/ screaming/ yelling/ breaking/ you can add anything "bad" in here really because my kids have done and/ or will do it. I want to scream to simply release all the pent-up stress I feel inside. I have about a 10 day stretch before I really feel like I've hit my max and I feel like I'm edging the fine line of insanity.
 

Since Carsen is our last baby and a full-on crawler, we're at the point that a lot of our baby stuff can finally leave our home and I have no reservations about it, whatsoever. I have absolute no inklings for another baby, which after having baby fever every five minutes for the last few years, it's a nice, foreign feeling. That desire for another baby is now replaced with the desire for a strong, yet deliciously fruity cocktail and a legit "night of sleep" without the worry and guilt of not doing something else.

 

One of the best things that keep me from full-on losing my mind is I know with absolute certainty that years from now I will miss my babies' precious innocence and these days of absolute chaos. I try so hard to embrace this period in our lives and to be fully present in the time I spend with my children. The unfortunate part is they can be crazy, lunatics most of the time sometimes.

Overall, I think my level of sanity is questionable because of my lack of sleep; therefore, I'm loving life and feel like we're finally in a really good groove.

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