There's a quietness that fills the house once the kids have settled down into their beds. I imagine couples that work regular 40-hour-weeks would spend this time together - cuddling, sharing the stories from their day and simply, just being together.
Unfortunately, for Jarod and I, we don't fit into that mold. Jarod never works just 40 hours and I don't get to share quiet nights alone with my best friend. I miss that so much. I miss us, just being us. Granted, Jarod doesn't need or have to work as much as he does but we've both trying extremely hard to sacrifice in order to get where we want to in life, which starts financially.
But it's hard. I feel like a single mom with the fortune of not having to work outside of her home all the time. He feels like a slave to his job. But the biggest struggle for me is that I miss him so desperately it hurts.
I was eight months pregnant with Aiden when Jarod started the job he has now but before then, we worked together and saw each other every single minute of the day. We ate every meal together, worked together and then we would come home together. Our lives were so intertwined that we shared only one car for years and never felt the loss.
It pains me to not have him around as much as I want. He's the one person I tell absolute everything to but I don't want to share this grief I have because I know exactly what he'll do. (Don't worry he never reads this blog). He'll stop working so much and spend more time with me but I don't want my loneliness to be the reason he stops working as much as he wants or possibly can bare. I want that to be his decision. I want to be stronger and deal with this.
I know exactly why we're chosen this life: the simple thought of a life free from debt and the financial security and peace of mind to put all our children through college (without any form of debt), retire with respect and be able to travel the world. These are our goals and aspirations. I know they take all the sacrifice in the world.
But can I just say, it's damn hard and I really, really miss my husband.