Sunday, January 8, 2012

Divorce and Ikea

Jarod, the kids and I went to Ikea today and it was probably the most stressful experience. We went in the afternoon and Jarod had been awake since 3am (he‘s so peppy on little sleep), the kids’ schedules were off (nobody took a good long, needed nap) and it was Saturday at Ikea (aka the equivalency of retail hell). Thus, there we were busy pushing two carts, one each - two children in one and one child plus merchandise in the other) through crazy, congested walkways as the kids whined about how they were hungry, thirsty, wanted to walk and needed to touch everything.

Jarod’s the pretty stereotypical guy when it comes to shopping; he would rather shoot himself in the eye with a 9mm then shop for any longer than five minutes. But he’s also a sweet guy that tries to make me happy.

I guess, I thought we could all go to Ikea, spend some time as a family and do a bit of shopping. I rationalized that Jarod’s crazy-ass work schedule is just how it is and we need to accept it, which is why we found ourselves at the busiest store in the world on the busiest day of the week. If we didn’t go to Ikea on a Saturday, then we would never go at all. So there we were, spending quality time together as a happy family of five . . .

But we were all miserable.

Actually the kids were probably fine with their self-absorbed and self-centered ways as they drove us to insanity. This wasn’t at all what I expected. Jarod was miserable to be out in the craziness of shopping (he can’t stand crowds for the life of him), miserable to be in company of whiny kids and just plain tired.

I was disappointed that nobody, especially Jarod who stated he felt like he had a panic attack, seemed to be enjoying themselves. But what are we supposed to do with our lives? Stay at home until the kids reach their teens (but wait, doesn’t whining get worse at that age? O_o ) or wait until Jarod’s job finally gets a clue on how to control and manage production without working people like slaves (I think it’s safe to say that the kids will be in their teens before that)?

There’s nothing we can do - this is, simply, our lives.

Sadly, all the while, while we were shopping I was thinking to myself that this is why couples of multiples have a divorce rate twice to three times higher than the average divorce rate. We don’t have “multiples” per say but we are very, very extremely close to it. But I understand and can very closely see the intricate strings that web the demise of a union that once was celebrated as “the beginning.” Loving someone is the easiest thing in the world to do but staying when you want to pull your hair out in fistfuls is the hard part.

Fortunately, I feel like Jarod and I have gone through so much as a couple that not much could break us. As Jarod puts it, “if we haven’t broken up yet, then we’re not going to.” I’m not foolish enough to think that our relationship is unbreakable. I understand the work I need to put forth in our relationship daily, even hourly, for it to survive.

But a small part of me hopes that that’s enough. A small part of me hopes that we won’t be another statistic, another “ohh, so 'perfect' couple” that just didn’t make it. Don't they say the seventh year in a marriage is the hardest??

Ahh, damn you, Ikea, for stressing me out.

One click equals one vote; please click! :)


  1. Damn girl. I'm envious and excited and happy and scared for you all at the same time. I'm really glad you said "I'm not foolish enough to think our relationship is unbreakable," ...because it's not unbreakable. If you'd asked me six or seven months ago about my relationship, I'd have said "Best ever, totally iron clad." Boy was I wrong. Fast forward and I find out I was so blind, he was cheating on me, lying to me, using me, and the utter opposite of the kind of person I thought he was all the time we were together.

    You have a good heart and seem to have it together, so I'm happy and proud of you. You're better off than a lot of people, and you remain humble, which is the most important thing.

    you're awesome, and thanks for wandering over my direction. xo

  2. jorah: i’m so sorry to hear about your ex. i just found your blog and haven’t read the details of your last break-up yet but man, that f’ing blows. it’s one thing to get your heart broken, another to have someone stomp the F out it. i absolutely know that what i have this minute could be gone in a second - i’m scared to death that something could happen. there’s a pretty minimal chance that jarod would ever do that to me (really, there isn’t) but it still crosses my mind, it still scares me. you sound awesome - i hope you find someone that sees that too. thanks for all your kind words and checking out my blog! <3