Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Hairless, Skinny Bitch

When I became a mommy, nothing seemed so natural as giving all of myself, my time and all of my unconditional love to this tiny person. Everything was perfect. Until the day I looked in the mirror and thought, where the fuck did I go?!

My kids have given me so much . . . including extra body weight, stretch marks, a belly button that my almost 4 year old son will try to convince me is most definitely not a belly button (thanks, son, you’re the one that fucked this up) and a head full of split ends (I haven’t gone to the salon in over six months). Now that’s just the physical aspect of myself that I’ve kissed goodbye the day I had kids but then there’s all the other stuff that I’ve lost that essentially makes me who I am. I want so desperately to be able to get lost in a great book, take a nice, hot shower without anxiously feeling the need to get out about five minutes ago, I want to have enough time to want to want to shave my legs, I want to work out and feel good about my body again, I want to buy adorable clothes that accentuate my figure and not wear clothes that I like because they cover me up.

Not necessarily because it’s the beginning of January or the beginning of a New Year am I starting this resolution for making “a better me” a priority but because I’m tired of making excuses and wondering where the F did I go.

I want and deserve to have a body that I love. I am currently 142.2 pounds and I want to lose 17.2 pounds (gained an extra few pounds over the holidays, oops); I want to get back to my pre-children body. This may take a awhile, it might take me over a year because some days I simply won’t have the time or mental strength to get myself into the gym annnd let’s be honest, I really love eating delicious, not-so-nutritious food but I will NOT give up on myself. I won’t make excuses about how I’m just too old (old is when you're closer to thirty than twenty, right?), how I’m a mommy to three kids, or anything that will prevent me from being skinny again. I want to be a skinny bitch. I know, that’s sooo superficial. Suck it.

I wish I could have told 20-year-old me to shut up.
I won’t stop trying to be a better me and to have a body that I am proud of. In order to accomplish this goal, my mini-goals are to eat oatmeal (for breakfast) and a salad (for lunch) five days out of the week and run, jog, walk, whatever and however it takes for me to exercise 20 miles each week. Obviously, salads and oatmeal are not the most delicious food items in the kitchen but there are low in fat and more importantly, they are very healthy and good for me.

Perfect way to exercise.
I will also take better care of myself physically. I am going to call the salon and make an appointment as soon as possible and will NOT go longer than four months for another appointment. I will shave my legs at the minimum once a week and for anyone who thinks once a week is still disgusting, suck it. Haha, you would think I would have a better vocabulary since I'm a college graduate, ehh, nope. Shaving my legs once a week is still going to be a challenge for me. O_o My resolution this year is to not look like a hairy, crazy beast anymore.

I will force myself (kid-free!!) to the library once a week, browse around without guilt of coming home as soon as possible to anything or everything that needs tending to and just get lost in one of my absolute favorite places. Two things you should know about me: 1) I’m an English major and 2) I’m a nerd.

The last and final resolution that Jarod would actually really, really love for me (he’s practically begged me to buy more dresses, yep, I have the best hubby ever) to do is I will once a month buy something an adorable and incredibly impractical clothing piece because it makes me feel pretty. I haven’t purchased clothes I really, really like in such a long time because I have been a baby-making machine these last few years, I’ve always been “too fat” and not at my ideal weight yet to buy great clothes, I reason my kids will destroy and throw up on them anyways and I hate spending money on myself.

I’m going to sound like a immature, bratty toddler but I need things to be more about ME, ME, ME and ME in 2012 and the rest of my life because I’m going a bit stir-crazy doing everything for everyone else and the truth is I am selfless, generous and extremely considerate to everyone else . . . except for me.

So here’s to being a hairless, skinny bitch that eats salads . . . (hmm) . . . ohh, God, I need to go take a shot.

Note: Shortly, after writing this post, I had a change of heart and wrote, I AM Beautiful. If you happen to read this post, please, please read this post. Thanks :)

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  1. well, if it makes you happier then why the heck not?! :D :D :D all the very best with this!! remember, you gotta work to have it and work to keep it. HAPPY 2012!! *confetti*

  2. sgrmse.: thanks! i'm taking it day by day :) happy 2012 to you too!!