If you were looking for a happy, optimistic blog then turn around now; I’m going to b*tch and vent in this one pretty hard. I warned you.
Note: this blog was written after an extremely difficult and hard day so the words are a bit raw and harsh but they're honest and I think every parent (except the exceptionally perfect ones, of which I am clearly not) can sympathize.
I always knew that three very young children very close in age would be a challenge but I’m an idiot and I really, really like challenges. I, also, naively thought that my husband would work normal hours like 35 to 40 hours a week. Again, I’m an idiot.
I love my children more than the air that I breathe. I’m not in the least bit exaggerating when I say I would die for them in a heartbeat if I needed to, there wouldn’t be a second of hesitation in my mind. But they irritate the hell out of me sometimes. Ohh my. Aiden, who is very close to turning four, is turning into a mischievous little shit that likes to dramatize things and lies about them, he likes to grunt in frustration, cross his arms and make it very known that he is upset, he likes to tell his little brother to do things that will get him in trouble and although, we cannot prove this, we’re certain that he hides Tristen’s blankey (aka the one necessity in that little boy’s life that will calm him down and get him to sleep) so that we can prolong bedtime and play “where’s blankey?” O_o
I get so frustrated with him that sometimes I just cannot stand him and I happily tell myself, “preschool, preschool, preschool!!” Jarod’s already told me to go ahead and put the little devil who never naps in preschool but I just can’t. I personally don’t think it’s a big deal for him to be in preschool at the moment. We plan on enrolling him in next September; that way he’ll have a full year of preschool before he enters Kindergarten. On top of that, I think we should just use that extra money to pay off debt.
Tristen is an almost two year old toddler that is extremely stubborn and is all boy, in other words, he likes to express his emotions through the use of physical force.
Aiden’s a preschooler that is a very sensitive boy and is transitioning into a new phase in his life where he’s examining his role in the world and the use of words through communication and manipulation. Tristen is at the point where he desperately wants to be more independent but sadly, does not have all the words to communicate his wishes to us, which equals more frustration.
I’m not a complete ass for calling my kids annoying. I understand and sympathize with where they are in their lives.
But goodness, I’m so damn tired.
I feel like I discipline them so often that I’m just a record player on repeat all day. Crying is a very regular thing that happens in my house, more often it’s the boys but sometimes it’s me. I can’t for a minute keep the house clean; the minute I’m cleaning one thing, they’re already destroying another. Then I see that my house is still a mess and mentally, I can’t take it. I begin feeling like a failure because I can’t keep the house looking decent for half a second. I know it shouldn’t be a big deal, that it’s a mess and that I should be creating memories and all that crap. But messes stress me the hell out. I can’t stand it in my own house.
Jarod’s been working insane hours, which isn’t anything new. But I’m complaining here so I’m going to repeat it again and again. He works almost 70-80 hours a week very often; that is basically TWO jobs. He works hard and I appreciate that I have a man that tries so hard to provide a better life for me and our children. But when he’s working 70-80 hours a week that means I’m home alone by myself 70-80 hours a week with crazy little people. Some days I feel like I’m going insane.
Jarod and I seem to have weekly discussions on how to resolve this problem but the sad, unfortunate truth is that there is nothing we can do. In order to accomplish what he and I both want him to accomplish at work he needs to sustain the level of hours he’s working. He’s suggested giving me some downtime when he gets home to clear my head but he needs some downtime too. We’re both extremely tired, mentally and physically.
I’m just tired. I have tears in my eyes writing this because of how tired I am and there doesn’t seem to be an end in sight anytime soon. I know one day this time in our lives will be the period that we’ll thank God that it’s over but for now we’re just taking this one day at a time, tears and all.