Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Too Hard on Myself

Given my last post on Aiden’s basketball experience and upcoming preschool. I’ve noticed I’m exceptionally hard on myself in regards to motherhood. It broke my heart to think I failed him and that I wasn’t doing my job. Some days I wish I could take on Jarod’s laid-back mentality and just go more with the ebbs and flow of life.

Because the truth is Aiden is not a bad kid. He is not a bad person. Goodness, he’s not even four; we still have a lot of time to mold him into a outstanding man. Also, I know I can’t be a bad mother because I am whole-heartly trying the best I can. I hate that I was never given a handbook on raising children nor was I given a handbook on how to raise any one of our children . I’m literally hanging onto the seat of my chair, experimenting with various parenting techniques and hoping one works better than the other.

I’ve realized and need to be okay, and I mean, really, really okay, with the fact that I can’t do more for him because I’m doing the best I can. As a mother and as a woman, I feel like if something’s not working then it’s my fault and I just need to do more, just need to do better.

Thus, I’m vowing to stop being so hard on myself and accept myself as I accept my children. I don’t demand perfection from them nor should I of myself. I can’t give Aiden every single thing he wants and needs and so I’m letting go. I’m letting him go out into preschool, out into the world and apart from the place he’s known every second of his life: by my side. Off he goes to meet new people, share new experiences and learn from someone else I hope will care for him a fraction of how I care for him.

(Tears. Tears. Tears.)


  1. I think all moms are pretty hard on themselves, but it is because we love our kids soooooooo much and just want the absolute best for them always. We have to stop and realize that loving them is the most important thing and we do that better than anyone! ;)

    1. you're absolutely right! when i step back and think about the main thing i want to accomplish while parenting is having my children KNOW with everything inside of them that they are loved. so simple. but yet, i still make it complicated :P